School’s back in session!

I almost don't know where to begin. When I sat down to write this week's blog, I was all set to write about divorce and the mix of feelings that go with the road to divorce. Trust me, that blog is coming.

Then I sat down to write. I couldn't hear my thoughts. The sounds of 2nd grade happening next to me are too distracting. Then the yell of "MOOOM" coming from 4th grade happening upstairs needed my attention. It was there I realized the blog was changing today for sure. This school year is BANANAS! This is what we are all saying to each other all day every day. I feel like a crazy person repeating it. But bears repeating! This moment in time is just INSANE! Teachers are working around the clock. Children are asked to learn in ways we have not prepared them for. Parents are rearranging their worlds on a moment to moment basis. There is a constant feeling of anxiety in the air that has just become a part of everyday life that we almost don't feel it anymore. The question to me then becomes, what are we anxious about? Goodness, the worries are endless? Are the kids going to be able to learn like this? I watch them juggle different apps. Walk another friend through something. Hand in work. Poof! I can check that worry off the list. Okay, they are learning. Is reading, writing, and 'rithmetic enough? What about social interactions? But then I see them "log in" early so they can talk to their friends. Poof! I can check that worry off the list. Then I sit down to work. Four seconds after my tush hits the seat. Someone needs something. I am up again. How will I get anything done? I sit back down and realize that I wrote a lot already. That I am further in the module of learning than I realized. Poof! I can breathe. It will get done. Maybe slower than it would have if they were in school. But it will get done. Oh, the teachers! I can't even begin to list all their worries. Most of them have all the concerns for their own families listed above while dealing with our crazy. They are learning to teach in a way that they were never trained to do. Teachers are working from multiple screens. They are monitoring and teaching the kids. They are checking assignments while posting more work. Poof! It's day three. Even though there have been some bumps, everyone is doing great! The teachers are doing it all. They are even making all the kids feel like a community and creating bonds. Our teachers are superheroes!

The truth is, we can worry about anything at any time—pandemic or not. We doubt ourselves. We over-analyze. We second guess all of our choices. We make ourselves insane, comparing ourselves to other mothers. We measure our children's achievements to other children. Where does it end? Maybe instead of being afraid of all, we are missing, we should celebrate all we have gained? It turns out it doesn't freaking matter if little Susie missed part of third grade when applying to college because so did every other stinking little Susie. Who cares that your kid is not playing a full season of travel baseball. Let’s be honest; they're not going pro or getting that scholarship. Start saving for college with or without COVID.

Mama Nature is asking all of us to slow the heck down, to get to know your family. She asked you to make "pods.” Maybe this has allowed you to explore new friendships and partnerships that would never have happened. The world right now is asking us to have hard conversations. We have them. Perhaps this pandemic has weeded out some folks. We are being asked to stand up for what is most important for one's self and family. Perhaps before all this, you were afraid to use your voice. I have found that this new normal has allowed me to reevaluate what matters most myself and my people. Between shared custody, starting a new business, a new relationship, and our health and safety, I have only allowed people that cheer and protect us in my bubble. I have also deepened friendships. I have learned so much about friends and loved ones. I think it is a gift that this insanity has shown people's true colors. Some of them not as bright as I may have once thought. I have found my voice and strength and used it. You know what? It turns out it isn't as scary as I thought. People don't get mad at you. They listen. I have found it has brought me closer to people. They now know me as my authentic self.

Don't get me wrong. I want to get back to life. I would like these crazy kids back at school. Mama needs some moments to hear herself think. It turns out my son may be a little exhausting in class? I mean, his teachers can't believe this little jabber jaws is that cute? Ha! These kids are need machines! With the responsibility of their education falling for the most part solely on me, this is A LOT! I miss hugging the snot out of people. I can handle the mask, but it isn't enjoyable. Overall I am not entirely mad at this quiet life. I like the little safe bubble we have created. I am grateful for the cheers and support I am getting from my quaran-Team.

For all you out there, the kids are going to be alright. We are living the same mess. They will be just as okay or F'ed up as the kid next to them. Take a deep breath. Stop overthinking. Give yourself a break. If you're worried, you're not doing enough for the kids, the fact that you're thinking about that makes you a great Mom! It is the same as always. NONE of us have this crap figured out. Really how much more can this mess them up? Weren't we all in the So listen to Mama Nature. Take care of yourself and others. Wear a mask as you take those deep breaths. This too, shall pass. Remember, Mama is always right?